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Grieving for empty spacesI grieve. I grieve.
You say you took me to doctors. You gave me my medicine, shoved it down my throat.
You said if it hadn't been for you...
But it's easy isn't it, to plop a person down in front of psychiatrists? To have them probe and prod me. To sit there and look at me as if I were
Easy enough to watch them fill out prescriptions for me.
To wait and cross your fingers and hope the storm blows over.
To pretend nothing is wrong.
Not so easy though is it, to listen to me. To look at me.
Not so easy to be there for me when I am in the dark.
You never rocked me out of it.
SomedaySomeday when we are young
We will feel as if everything in our lives
That seemed so large, so unapproachable
was just a small knot in an entire expanse
When we are young
our eyes will catch light we missed lifetimes ago
We will see new colors
And the world will be as it should have been
The cataracts will fall away
And once more, we will have faith
That life is simple and grand
Beyond all calculation
We will have new feathers, new voices
But we are old now. Very old
And the air feels heavy on our weary bones
We are waiting, waiting to burn into ash, to arise in a new spring
To blaze in a newborn summer
I waitedI waited to realize
That I could love without being loved
That I could be like wind on the water
And it stirs pools while no one sees it, and it lifts wings as people breathe it
But I can see how it hurts him
And I wish I was strong
That I could plunge headlong into the waves of every emotion
But the tide pulls hard, and the surf crashes on the rocks mercilessly
I see the sand on the bay, I see the cool sapphire sea, the golden strands in a canvas sail, the lull of a rocking ship.
I could leap on...
But I'm afraid if I went, the sky would be dark, the cold waters would be flailing, the bleak rocks like teeth impaling
With blood red gore of disappointment
The wind would be roaring, the foam would be pulling down rotting pieces of sunken ships, the love that simply sank too quick
I wish I was strong, wish I could hold on.
Wish he could love without being loved. Wish he could hold air in his arms and cradle dreams on his fingertips
Like wind on the water
I see how it hurts me
Sometimes I wish that I might Sometimes I wish that I might be loved by someone more than a boy
Dark and handsome and terrible
Who tells me all the desires of his heart, and all his bitterness
Who sees the world as more than a clockwork wheel of integrated parts and malfunctions
Who feels the color of rhododendrons and poppies on his skin
And speaks of the sea and of how beautiful kiss against kiss can be
Who grows weary and crumbly like sand dashed by waves
So that he might feel the grains of sand I feel, and the bitterness and resentment
Of being a mere pebble in undulating currents of serpentine confusion
Who tells me no sometimes
Who listens to me in the dark with matches in his eyes
Listens to me when I need light
Sometimes I wish I might be loved in a way I could have been loved by a father
Had he truly wanted me
That I would see thousands of years in his face
And countless trials in his voice
Understanding, despite all odds
I wish that I might be loved by a man much older
That he might take me in his a
dead dog julyI.
the summer heat lays limp in the city’s lap,
breathing long oppressive breaths.
it does not even lift its lolling head
to bark out hoarse indignancy
when a strange man brings the mail.
there might be heavy rain today,
brought by some swollen, murmuring cloud.
the world will whirl and howl,
then settle down,
to die a little more.
o, quickly, love,
press your back against the wall in fear
as the universe spreads her arms and
shuts her eyes
and starts to summon the end of all things.
come with me
to the place of windows full of speechless afternoon
hot windy whispers of half-formed solutions and resolutions,
sweltering sunlit meadows we’ll wander and then forget.
o quickly, love,
let’s to the season of forgetting
and unwind all of our harshest memories
and fill the universe’s mouth
with mute cotton.
i’ll whisper these words to you some evening
with all my exigency in the hand i rest on your arm—
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More